How Do I Explain Postpartum to My Partner?
Becoming a parent is a life-altering experience, and with it comes a huge emotional and physical transition. For many new mothers, the period after childbirth can be overwhelming, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. While it’s common for people to talk about the joy of having a baby, the reality is that postpartum experiences can vary widely, and it can be tough to explain exactly what you're going through to your partner—especially when you're feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and just trying to adjust to your new life.
Postpartum isn’t just about the physical recovery after birth—it’s a complicated web of hormonal shifts, emotional changes, and new responsibilities. So, how do you communicate what you’re experiencing to your partner without feeling like you're burdening them? Here are some tips to help you explain postpartum in a way that fosters understanding, compassion, and teamwork.
1. Start with the Basics: Postpartum Is More Than Just Baby Blues
First things first: You need to clarify what “postpartum” really means. A lot of people have heard of "baby blues"—those first few weeks of feeling a little teary or emotionally fragile after childbirth. But postpartum encompasses so much more than that. It includes a wide range of emotional, mental, and physical challenges that can affect mothers in the weeks and months after giving birth.
Postpartum depression, for example, can last beyond the first few weeks and might involve feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and detachment. Postpartum anxiety can create constant worries about your baby’s safety or intrusive thoughts that feel hard to shake. Postpartum OCD can make you feel like you need to engage in repetitive behaviors to cope. And then, there’s the physical aspect—exhaustion, body changes, and recovery from childbirth itself.
When you talk to your partner about postpartum, it’s helpful to frame it as a set of experiences that can affect different parts of your life, not just an isolated issue. Explaining that postpartum is a real thing—something that impacts you emotionally, physically, and mentally—can help your partner understand the breadth of what you’re dealing with.
2. Share What You’re Feeling (Be Honest, but Take Your Time)
One of the hardest things about postpartum is how isolating it can feel. You might be struggling with emotions that are hard to articulate or might not even fully understand yourself. Still, the more open and honest you can be, the more likely your partner will be able to support you.
Start by sharing what you’re feeling. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, sad, disconnected, or anxious, tell them. It’s important that your partner knows the depth of what you’re going through, but also acknowledges that these feelings don’t mean you’re not grateful for the baby or the life you’re building together.
For example, saying something like, “I feel really overwhelmed right now. I love our baby, but I’m struggling with feelings I can’t always explain” can open up the conversation. If you’re experiencing specific things like intrusive thoughts, a lack of sleep, or difficulty bonding, let them know. The more they understand, the easier it will be for them to provide emotional and practical support.
It’s also okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers. “I’m not sure why I’m feeling this way, but I just need you to know it’s hard for me” can also help bridge the gap. Be gentle with yourself. It’s perfectly normal to have trouble finding the words to describe what you're experiencing.
3. Be Clear About What You Need (And What You Don’t)
One of the reasons it’s tough to explain postpartum is that you may not always know exactly what you need from your partner. One day, you might crave emotional support, while another day, you might just need them to take over a few of the household tasks. Being specific about what would help you can make it easier for your partner to step in.
If you need space, ask for it: “I need a little time to myself to recharge. Can you take the baby for a bit?” If you want reassurance, ask for that too: “I’m feeling really anxious. Can you help me calm down?” Maybe you need help with chores or getting some sleep—let your partner know exactly how they can assist you.
On the flip side, it’s important to also communicate what you don’t need. Sometimes, partners might feel like they need to “fix” things or offer solutions. But sometimes, all you need is someone to listen without trying to solve the problem. You might say, “I don’t need you to fix it. I just need to vent,” or, “I’m not asking for advice, I just need a hug.”
Being clear about your needs can take some trial and error, but it helps set the stage for better understanding and support.
4. Normalize Your Experience (Postpartum Is Common, But Not Talked About Enough)
A lot of the time, partners don’t know how to help because they may not fully understand how common postpartum issues are. In the U.S., one in seven women will experience postpartum depression. Many women also deal with postpartum anxiety, body image issues, or trauma from childbirth. If your partner doesn’t fully grasp the statistics or how common it is, helping them understand that this is a normal part of the experience can make a big difference.
You might say something like, “What I’m going through is actually really common for new moms, but no one really talks about it. I don’t want you to feel like I’m not grateful or that I don’t love our baby—it’s just that my emotions and energy are all over the place right now.”
Sometimes, your partner might feel helpless or unsure of what to do. Reassuring them that they aren’t alone in this experience can give them the comfort and clarity they need to step up in the best way they can.
5. Create a Plan for Support Together
Once you’ve communicated what you’re experiencing, it’s important to talk about how you can both work together to navigate this period. Parenting a newborn is overwhelming for both parents, and it’s a huge transition for your relationship. Take time to discuss practical ways your partner can help and how you can support each other.
Perhaps you can set up a schedule for who will take the night shift for feedings, or maybe you agree on taking turns with chores and baby care. Setting realistic expectations about how much help you both need will allow you to feel more empowered and less resentful. Remember that the goal isn’t perfection but rather teamwork and compassion.
Also, don’t forget to talk about your relationship. Postpartum is a big adjustment, and it’s normal for romantic intimacy to take a hit during this time. Be open about how you’re feeling, what you need, and how you can both stay connected emotionally, even when your time and energy are limited.
6. Check In Regularly
Postpartum doesn’t end after a few weeks—it encompasses the first full year after childbirth. That’s why it’s important to keep the conversation going. Make it a habit to check in with each other about how you’re both feeling. Ask questions like, “How are you doing? What can I do to support you?” and be open to their feelings too. Postpartum affects both parents, not just the mother.
Regular check-ins also help you both feel less isolated and more connected. It’s a way to build empathy and continue supporting each other, even when the demands of parenthood feel overwhelming.
Final Thoughts: Patience, Understanding, and Compassion
Explaining postpartum to your partner can feel vulnerable, but the more you communicate openly, the more understanding and support you’ll get. Remember that it’s a team effort—this is a journey you’re on together, and the more you can work as a unit, the better the experience will be for both of you.
Be patient with yourself, and remember that it’s okay to not have all the answers. As long as you’re both committed to understanding each other, supporting each other, and working through this challenging time with love and compassion, you’ll come out stronger on the other side.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by postpartum anxiety or depression, you don’t have to go through it alone. Sarah Duran Psychotherapy offers compassionate and specialized support for new mothers navigating this transition. With postpartum therapy, you can gain the tools to manage your emotions, communicate your needs, and find balance in this new stage of life.
Helping You Feel Like Yourself Again
Bringing a new baby into your life is a huge transition, and it’s okay if you’re struggling to put your feelings into words. Postpartum anxiety and depression can make even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming, and explaining what you’re going through to your partner isn’t always easy. At Sarah Duran Psychotherapy, we specialize in supporting new mothers through the emotional ups and downs of postpartum life. Follow the steps below to start your healing journey.
Learn more about me as a postpartum anxiety and depression therapist.
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Other Counseling Services at Sarah Duran Psychotherapy
Postpartum Anxiety and Depression therapy is not the only service we offer at our Houston counseling clinic. We understand that families like yours are multifaceted and may have other concerns you would like to address. Other therapy services Sarah Duran Psychotherapy provides include treatment of reproductive trauma (including infertility, pregnancy loss, and birth trauma) and play therapy.
